The Need to Unburden

This has been troubling me, and I needed to talk with you about it.

My friend nervously readjusted her face mask and sat forward in her seat. “I mean, I understand why this is happening I think, but I’m still feeling troubled. I just wanted to be sure that I didn’t say something wrong – I have been thinking about that all day today. Maybe I came on too strong or something.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought I had made it clear in my e-mail the other day and even repeated myself several times stating: “This change is not because of you or something you did. It’s a care plan change that we must follow.” In my e-mail I went on to stress how great a job she had done, and that I was so happy with the great work she was doing.

But today I discovered the message had not been received properly.

“Was it somehow my fault?”

My friend is in her nineties, and used to be a missionary. She was also a school teacher, and today works as a spiritual care volunteer with us. She does such an amazing job of connecting with and loving on people, especially those who are struggling. And she’s a Zoom pro at doing it to boot.

But she still was wondering if she had done something wrong.

I was blown away, and learned some powerful lessons today – one of them is this: I need to improve my communication. An e-mail sometimes isn’t enough. (Duh! Facepalm.)

I’m so pleased that she took the initiative to reach out and ask for a meeting with me today so we could talk, but I should have been the one to reach out. (I’m making a personal note to myself here – always be the one who reaches out. Don’t wait. Don’t rely on the form of communication that I prefer – it may not be the way the receiver likes to be communicated with. Match their style.)

Sigh. I have much to learn.

What I learned today:

• I learned how important it was for the both of us to share our grief around the change in the care plan we were needing to follow for one of the people we serve. It brought some comfort to share that sadness together.

• I learned we need to name our feelings: we both said how sad we felt. We both mentioned how unfair it felt for our person. And at the same time, we both understood the importance of protecting everyone involved – including ourselves.

• I also learned that we just need to hear that things are alright. This isn’t your fault. Sometimes print or text is not enough to convey those messages. We need face to face.

But most of all, I learned that it felt good to have that moment of debrief together. A talking out of what had happened. We went into the meeting feeling troubled, and left with hope and a little bit lighter. We would follow every rule that needed to be followed, and would still seek ways to support our mutual friend if we could. Best of all – we ended in prayer, lifting our person up to the One who was able to work under any circumstances.

We are limited. God is not.