Being Brave

I’ve been working hard in my life to find something that I’ve been searching for quite a long time – direction. Voice. Purpose. Ok, so that’s more than a ‘something.’ Way more than something, and they’ve been dogging me for years.

I remember when I knew direction, purpose….and even voice. I was a small business owner in Mexico City – teaching English to adults in busy companies around the city. I loved the work! I loved the sense of purpose – of really helping someone – that this gave me. I even would dare say that I had a voice.

But have you ever had everything that you thought was all figured out in your life suddenly fall pathetically apart?

That’s me.

Everything fell apart.

Everything.

I don’t know how to point the finger of blame for what happened. I guess mostly on me is a good place to being. We had run up massive debt, had a car loan, a mortgage…a disaster waiting to happen. It did.

The local economy began to weaken. Clients began to cancel, and sadly – in less than a few months, we found ourselves unable to meet our financial obligations. That’s a nice way to say: we were totally screwed.

Had to sell the car, the apartment, and most all our possessions to try and pay down what we owed, and then we had to find a new way forward.

The old sense of direction fell flat with our business. I was the business…at least that’s how it felt.

My voice? Ha. Lost it in Mexico, and I’ve been looking for it ever since – and that was back in 2015.

Three years later, March 2018, I’m still looking.

I have a great job, and totally love what I do and the people I get to serve. But I’m still searching – work, though a big part of identity, doesn’t really make you who you are. At least it shouldn’t – I am still learning that lesson from what we walked through in Mexico.

But I still haven’t really connected with that feeling of ‘THIS IS WHO I’M SUPPOSED TO BE, DOING WHAT I WAS MADE TO DO.’

So far, aside from the awesome job I have, I’ve rolled out 2 side hustles. And now this one – aarontnelson.com – is the 3rd. My search continues as I open a window on a part of me that has been a huge part of me since I was a little kid – writing.

And as I type here…I wonder: is this the part where I’ll start to find my voice again?